Saturday December 2nd, 2006 - 22:06

There's this survey trend that's going around these days (or maybe for the past few years) where people take online surveys that are largely superficial and post them on their website, blog, myspace, or whatever.

Usually I see them and ignore them. A lot of times they're the long and drawn out ones where the survey asks the author all sorts of questions that are either pointless, don't have a clear answer, or are engineered at making someone that they're now forwarding it to jealous, interested, or horny. Or maybe a combination of the three? The passive-aggressive nature of the "I'm going to send this "Who do you have a crush on list?" to everyone I know so that the person I *actually* have a crush on will maybe figure it out" is palpable.

The trouble is, the nature of it is so buried that the crushed has no idea.

Or maybe it's just information so that people will know more about you and talk to you and about you so you feel important? I don't know.

But those aren't the ones I'm talking about right now. The ones I mean are the "Which . . . are you?" ones.

Those are my favorite.

"What brand of Fruit of the Loom underwear am I?"

"Which obscure fish are you?"

"Which 1930s vintage commercial are you?"

The best part about these is that since I don't own a TV, I tend to miss a lot of pop culture references. So the "Which character on Lost are you?" quiz leaves me clueless.

Well today I saw one that I found amusing and so I decided to click on it to see what sort of obscure questions it would ask me to decide which thing I am, and I came to a very strange realization.

Usually I hate multiple choice types of questions. Especially the 2 choice ones. Neither option ever seems like something I'd do. I used to think this is because my brain has a fun tendency to argue each side of a given question for days without giving me a real answer, but now I think it's something else.

I think I might be some sort of in-between demographic. No - demographic isn't the right word.

I can't think of a good hypothetical question right now, but my answer is usually neither of them. At all. Not even a tendency towards one.

Now, this might just be my own perceived notion that I'm some sort of special individual and that generic questions and answers can't quite meet up to the uniqueness I exude in everything I do, but I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I'm in some sort of gray area in life.

I feel like I'm not quite "making it" and not quite "losing". I'm not sure I care, though. Is that bad? It might be bad.

When I think about the things that most people feel are important to them, I can't really relate. I try to relate, but I can't. I tell myself I just have different priorities or am in a different place in my life, but to be honest I'm not sure I can picture myself wanting or caring about the same things that most of my peers surrounding me care about.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not faulting anyone for the things they deem important. What you think is important is what drives you to do the things you do, and you're just fine the way you are. Really. I love what you've done with your hair. And that sweater is really great. Don't change a thing.

But where's the manual for the weird shit I want? Where are the dozens of people sitting around a watercooler chatting about the stuff I'd like to do so we can all relate and nod knowingly?

Why doesn't anyone ever say "Holy shit - wouldn't it be awesome to just sell everything you own and go surfing?" when I'm around? Am I just hanging in the wrong crowds? Because people look at me like I'm insane when I say that sort of thing sometimes.

I don't know. I guess I don't care, really. It's just interesting. Sometimes people ask my why I don't "open up" more to people around me, but to be completely honest it's safer the way it is. Everytime I lean forward and try to whisper some sort of insight into the nonsense going on in my head, everyone stops what they're doing and looks at me like I'm holding up the place.

I use humor to keep the conversation going, but I can observe myself talking and I recognize that most of the time my conversation and humor completely lacks substance.

People start talking about voting and politics, and someone asks my my opinion and the first thing out of my mouth is some chicken reference before I go on about why giraffes should really wear pants. I guess the bonus of this is that maybe people think I'm funny, but odds are they certainly don't think I'm articulate or particuarly intelligent.

I'm not sure where any of this is going, really. It's been months since I've written anything at all, and I'm just wondering where to go from here. The domain "infliction" seems so . . . immature at this point. But I really can't think of anything better. I have ideas for things I'd like to put here, but they either don't happen, or don't seem appropriate.

What about you, fictitious fauthful reader? I'll do something I haven't done in ages - interact. If you're reading this, care to tell me why?

Not because I'm looking for an ego trip to know who's paying attention to me, but because I'm curious to know what you expect to get from coming here when you do. Is it morbid humor? Stupid jokes about small woodland creatures? Introspective insight from a man clearly gone mad? Drama-laden stories about people in my life?

What's so interesting about this place?


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