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Sunday December 28th, 2003 - 13:43

Nothing like Elton John screaming about love bleeding to death in his hands to give you a spring in your step in the morning (or afternoon, as I seem to have waited until noon to wake up).

Christmas came and went without too much fanfare. Christine and I dipped over to Devon's for what I hope is the first of a new tradional Christmas Eve dinner - Cornish Game Hens and various fixins.

I've never been a huge fan of turkey, and as a result I cursed Thanksgiving and Christmas whenever they decided to roll their heads around. This holiday, however, was very calm and pleasant indeed. Christine cooked us up a nice feast and while there was only three of us, it was very cozy.

After all these years, even though I've grown up and my presents get more sophisticated and therefore more expensive, I still find myself feeling a little less than thrilled when Christmas rounds about. Which isn't to say that I'm ungrateful for all the things I got. Christine got me a snazzy digital camera to replace my older and quite stubborn cam. I got a few stocking stuffers also, and Devon managed to throw me a complete curve ball by buying me an all-black Lian Li aluminum case for my PC.

I had to blow the dust off of it in order to begin transferring the guts. But now it's just a silent black hole in the corner humming away wondering why I'm over here using my mac. Poor thing.

Still, despite all of these things, I feel like I'm missing something.

Maybe it's the lack of little toys sitting under my tree from my parents. Or maybe it's that when you're a kid you tend to get a couple of things from other family members, too. Or maybe I was always just led to believe that Christmas is about getting presents and now when I find myself with a couple of very good presents, but still limited in quantity, I feel disappointed.

I feel extremely stupid for even wondering this. I'm sure I could pick any other year I've received presents and none of them were as cool or useful as what I got this year. Maybe I should set myself up with a bunch of little things for myself. Or maybe I should convince Christine that in order to be happy I need no less than 32 presents including the one big present but excluding any stocking stuffers.

Maybe I'm just a greedy bastard.

It's also possible that there's a completely different reason I feel incomplete - and that's the fact that this is the first real Christmas I've spent out of Boston.

No family. No relatives. I didn't really interact with anyone except Devon and Christine.

I elected not to go back to Boston because of work schedules and it made more sense for Christine to come here for a few weeks, but I'm wondering if I would feel better had I been there.

I probably just need to adjust to the city more. It's been a weird few months with work bouncing around and me still learning that the heck is going on. Getting used to the landmarks and the way people interact with them.

I guess next Christmas I will sort of experiment with things and see if I can't get myself more into the swing of things. I even bought and decorated a Christmas tree this year.

I must still be adjusting. Being three thousand miles away from everything you ever really knew must have a bit more of an effect on me than I had anticipated. The holidays always leave me feeling empty and a little lost.

Maybe I'm just a scrooge.


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